However...

I realized my post yesterday may have come off the wrong way. I believe everything I said, however...

CF is not easy for any patient. It's not blissful. It can be gross, deceiving, painful, and discouraging. It was a mistake on my behalf to say that most patients feel a certain way about their lives or find it easy. It's hard for all of us in many ways and we all face our battles. My life is not perfect in any way, but I believe that our experiences we face help us recognize more easily what happiness is.

I feel blessed to having been out of the hospital for a while now. Why? Because I remember the times where I would be so sick I was excited to go to the hospital. I still have my scars from the times when a long needle would thread the picc line tube from my arm to my heart, and being counting the holes in my arm from the attempts (I think once it was 12 in 2 hours).

I used to have night feedings through my g-tube to gain weight, and would feel very sick afterwards and would sometimes retch the next morning. (Thank goodness I no longer have to deal with that).

I still get mucus and lung infections as well as catching sickness easily. At times I wake up in the morning, feeling as if a belt is squeezing my lungs, making it a little harder to breathe.

I exercise not just for fun, but to live longer and stronger. Although I usually enjoy running or working out, it doesn't come easy.

I have faced side effects of medications. While in college, I've had roommates complain of how "disgusting" the things can be to them. This last semester, there were days I had to close my bedroom door so nobody could see me in pain after a medication kicked in. I would be nearly blacking out, about to retch, gasping for air, feeling as if my head and eyes were inches away from a large flame. Then I would have to hop on the bus to go to class, and pretend everything was normal, get off the bus, and set each tree as a mark as it was hard to breathe and walk. And yet, as I strive to live each day, I am usually happy and well, but there are those days, and people have often resented how "perfect" my life my seem.

Through all these experiences, I'm not "normal, " but I am not invincible. It all comes down to the help, guidance, comfort and love I have received from my Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost, and the hope that the atonement and the Plan of Salvation have brought me. I am grateful for the blessings that the gospel brings, such as knowing that my Heavenly Father is always listening and that he answers my prayers in His ways to help me grow towards what he wants me to become. These hardships are only a few of encounters that I have faced, but I am glad for these experiences. Please, once again, do not think "Oh you poor little thing" or shrink back from fear or uncertainty of this complicated condition. It's different for each patient, but I don't like being looked at as "the girl with CF" in a negative way. Each person faces different challenges in their lifetime.

You may now be thinking "Wait, well, don't those pictures pretty well show the hardships that Cf people face, or even what you described?" My point is, yes, sometimes they do. And yet, sometimes they don't. All of us patients face our challenges. Even though we face misery and pain every now and then and are not always having "Pollyanna Days", our lives are not always miserable and painful. We have learned (and still learning) how to enjoy each day because of the hardships we may face. In my opinion, everyone, whether they have Cf or not, usually learns what happiness is after facing misery. They are opposite, but we cannot know what happiness is without the bad days. Cf is not always morbid and depressing. I find Cf patients strong, even when they don't feel like they are, as they are filled with courage and hope or are searching for it, even when all seems to be going wrong. Just remember that things do get better :) Once again, each person is different and faces certain situations that make them stronger. This is a difficult subject to talk about because every person has their story. It's time to raise awareness of the complexity of Cf--hardships and the accomplishments that we face. Life is truly beautiful.