Lately I have discovered some more tid-bits of what it's like becoming an adult. I don't know how my mom has had the patience with me as she has been teaching me so much about responsibilities that come as you grow older.
Last week, once again, I was feeling a little worried about how to pay for college. My dad had come up to me, reminding that I owe him the $450 that he lent to pay for rent, food, and more. Hopefully, I will receive a pell grant for tuition next year, but I was also wondering how to pay for rent. After I got home, my mom opened the mail. As soon as she read the letter from SSI, stating that my disability benefits were about to be terminated, I about broke down, fighting tears. How in the world was I supposed to pay for tuition and rent next year? Especially when being denied all scholarships for a lower Gpa? I was also reminded of a surgery that might need to take place soon to remove scar tissue from closing up my G-tube site. I then thought "Ok, if I have to work and go to school, then that's alright. The more work experience, the better; there's nothing wrong with more work experience." However, a few days later, I had a feeling to go to a CF blog, then questions asked by other CF patients. And there it was--a category talking all about SSI! I clicked in a jiffy, and surely enough, other patients were out there as well taking place in cyber conversations, wondering what to do once their disability benefits were terminated. They were wondering how in the world they could go to school, work, and take care of their health. The other patients were telling stories of how once they tried to balance work and school and health responsibilities, their health went down the tube, and they ended up in the hospital more often for tune-ups. I then realized it would be very tough to balance school, studying, work, and keeping up with my health. Below in the comments sections of the questions regarding SSI, they even had a number for an attorney that works specifically with CF patients.
Today my mom and I called her, SSI, and many other numbers to appeal this case. If I were able to work full-time, I would be uneligible for disability. As of now, it would be impossible to work full-time. As we spoke with the Cf attorney, she asked about my daily health regimen. We calculated my treatment time total, which included the nebs and vest, cleaning the neb pieces, exercise, and cooking to eat healthily, as it all came down to about 4 to 5 1/2 hours a day. So now we are in the process of waiting to hear how the appeal pulls through and if I keep the benefits (which the attorney said I am still eligible for them while still being on Tobi for pseudomonas and the hours put in each day for my health). If not, then it comes to possibly taking a semester off to earn money or trying to balance work, school, and health. Come to think of it, I even had a feeling that taking a semester off may be a good way to have time to remove the scar tissue from my g-tube removal that has caused some digestion trouble and cramping for a while now. After all, having all this take place could be a hidden tender mercy, and I don't know what is in store. To whoever is reading this is very patient with my rambling, I thought about how burdens and changes of plans may be tender mercies in disguise.
For a while, my future has seemed vague in many ways. Trying to earn an education, pay for it with my parents unable to help at all, and not sure how everything would play out can be difficult. I look forward to the day where I'm able to not rely on government money. Right now I am working a part-time job to gain experience and a little bit of money. And as I continue to gain more knowlege towards becoming a Speech Therapist, I will eventually do internships and graduate. From then on, graudate school would come up eventually, but I still won't forget other dreams, ambitions and future life occurences that come to mind. Oftentimes, we don't know how our desired future will come to place as everything seems a blur. But as we continue to try our best and rely on the Lord's help, then things do get better. Becoming an adult can be difficult and eye-opening as more responsibilities are placed on our shoulders. However, changes in our lives can be good as better things are in store for us, or we can be reminded of how past occurences have made us stronger and changed us in positive ways.
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