Sixty-Five Roses

     Every year, my dad (not so much now since my siblings and I are all across the country) has carried on the tradition of individually taking my siblings and I out on a Daddy-daughter/Daddy-son date the night before our Birthdays. We are able to choose whatever we want to do, as long as it was reasonable. After a while I wondered what the meaning behind it was. He explained how he believed that when we lived with our Heavenly Father in the pre mortal life before we came to earth, He spent one-on-one time with us before our departure. Hence my dad carried on this symbolic tradition.

     I was thinking about this a few days ago--how it must have been if we were to spend that one-on-one time before what may have been an exciting yet heavy goodbye. I personally have never liked goodbyes. I also find some of the greatest pleasure in just spending alone time with those I care about--the one on one time whether it be even just going for a walk swinging on swings or sitting on a bench in good conversation. How remarkable it would have been if I were able to spend a similar type of set aside time with my Heavenly Father!

Somehow I began to think of how when we say goodbyes, we are sometimes given tokens of appreciation and love to convey the message, "Don't forget me--I'm here." Perhaps, in theory, I had a special last night with God. It would have been difficult for my Heavenly Father--who loved me for everything I was--from my quietness at times to my rambunctious spontaneity, the talents I carried (which I believe would have been dance, painting, possibly gymnastics and piano), my curly red hair which he knew would turn into a fro and every other part of me--to see me go. He wanted me to come back safely to His presence when the right time came. He wanted me to never forget Him. He wanted me to remember the strengths I was given and what I was capable of during the conflicts and challenges in mortality. As His gesture of genuine love, understanding was given. It was to be a reminder of what is most beautiful in life. It was to be a forget-me-not and a "You can do this." A beautiful bouquet of roses was given. Not six, not twelve, not even thirty, but Sixty-Five.

Now, here's more about the name "Sixty-Five Roses." It's a nickname carried on ever since a young boy overheard his mom telling of his condition to one of her friends on the phone. When she hung up, he asked, 'What's sixty-five roses?' since he could not pronounce "Cystic Fibrosis."

Cystic Fibrosis is a genetically inherited chronic illness which prohibits the CFTR proteins from opening up, preventing the transport of chloride ions and movement of water in and out of cells to function properly. This causes the mucus in the lungs and pancreas to be thicker and build up more, which can lead to infection in the airways, malabsorption of nutrients and the inability for the pancreas to produce digestive enzymes to break down food. Some patients later on develop diabetes from the pancreas being unable to produce enough insulin to regulate the body's glucose. To try to keep everything under control as much as possible, we CF patients complete lung treatments to loosen mucus in our lungs, take digestive enzymes whenever we eat to make up for what our bodies don't make, take extra vitamins that are not absorbed, exercise to increase our body's overall function and keep our lung function scores up to the best of their ability, and much more (depending on the patient.)

So...now back to my (in-theory) story I brought up...

You're probably thinking, "Well, that doesn't sound pretty to me...why are you comparing it to a bouquet of flowers God gave you? Why would He do such a thing?"

Yes, there are the ugly, unglamorous times I've had with CF. 

And that's how many experiences in life turn out to be.

Now let's take a look at Lehi's words to his son Jacob in 2 Nephi chapter 2 in the Book of Mormon:

"2  Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."

  3 Wherefore, thy soul shall be blessed, and thou shalt dwell safely with thy brother, Nephi; and thy days shall be spent in the service of thy God. Wherefore, I know that thou art redeemed, because of the righteousness of thy Redeemer; for thou hast beheld that in the fulness of time he cometh to bring salvation unto men.

...

 11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

 12 Wherefore, it must needs have been created for a thing of naught; wherefore there would have been no purpose in the end of its creation. Wherefore, this thing must needs destroy the wisdom of God and his eternal purposes, and also the power, and the mercy, and the justice of God.

 13 And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away.

 14 And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.

 15 And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of man, after he had created our first parents, and the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and in fine, all things which are created, it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter.

As Lehi is talking about this Eternal Law that the Savior overcame through His Atoning sacrifice, enabling us all to live again, he talks about why Adam and Eve were to partake of the fruit, even though they were commanded not to. They were commanded to "multiply and replenish the earth" and if they had not partaken of the fruit, they would not have been able to do so. In addition, we learn in verses 23-25: "they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.  24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. 25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." (emphasis added.)

If Adam and Eve had not partaken of the fruit, they would not have known good from evil, happiness versus misery. We find ourselves in a similar position in life. We may find ourselves in the "ugly, unglamorous" stages of our lives, yet without them, we too would not know how to find joy without knowing the misery and hard times.

Sometimes we sure feel the roses' thorns. 

But when you see a rose, what does your attention draw to?

Its color. Its pleasant scent. Its beauty. 

God's large floral arrangement, as it was His "forget-me-not," has reminded me to turn to Him. Again. and again. No, Cystic Fibrosis is not the only thing that has made me turn to Him. I've still faced family struggles, countless moves, when I was cyber-bullied after a very rough time in life, dumb boy drama that comes from being a girl, the challenges that come through school and a whole lot more as it's just all part of life. Yet through all stages, this floral arrangement has reminded me again and of His love as He's helped me pull through them. There's so much more to feel and see as there's much goodness to focus on and joy to experience.

Sixty-five roses...that's something that's helped me focus on what's beautiful and meaningful in life.

Even if it also be sixty-five roses that were given to you, what has helped you to know how to see and make the most of everything?

That's all for now.

April showers, May brings flowers...like roses...like sixty-five roses. 

Let's spread this CF awareness! :)

Footprints in the Sand

Lately I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. As mentioned, and will be mentioned many times, I am thrilled. I am curious. I am amazed.

My mama called the mission home today with some concerns about my insurance records getting transferred, my mission president knowing about CF, and all that jazz. The person over the phone told her everything--how I already have a mission Dr, who is over 10 missions, but is always available if I need help right away, as well as making appointments with my CF doc or setting up, if needed, hospitalizations.

On top of that, there are several people with CF going to Boston for a mission (say whaaaa??) I know, crazy! But they even make strong precautions to make sure we're not in the same zone or anywhere near each other during transfers to avoid any spread of harmful infections or illnesses.

They also said Boston is where a lot of missionaries with health issues get sent to since they have some of the best medical care (did I mention one of the hospitals there with a CF clinic was ranked number one in the nation last year?) There are even 2 with brain tumors who will be serving in Boston soon. I don't know their names, and even if I did, I wouldn't reveal their information in respect to their personal privacy.

This made me think a little bit more. It amazes me to know we are not alone and there are no coincidences. There are many out there with "Invisible Illnesses," but there is help readily available. These mission leaders care. There are many like my future mission Dr. and nurse who are on missions themselves to take care of and serve those who are going forth to bring the world his truth. I realized we are all a team to build each other up. They serving missionaries by providing them care and making sure their needs are met by all costs.

It also amazes me to see people's dedication and willingness to serve. I don't know who these people are and there are many who may have an invisible illness besides myself, but their bravery amazes me and inspires me to do better and work harder. Although I have Cystic Fibrosis, I know I'm not the only one who has challenges, and that our Heavenly Father is there for each of us during our trials. It brings so much hope to know we will never be let go or left alone. This mission may have a few challenges, but I will say this now and probably many times from now on, I know I'll be in good hands.  :)

Thinking about the trials I have faced, face, or may have to face later on reminds me of this poem:

And I just couldn't resist posting a picture of the stunning temple

I have been assigned to.....

It finally came--the envelope that I was never sure if I would actually hold finally came in the mail! So maybe I went home between classes, saw the mail man, waited for him to leave, then sneaked over to the mailbox and screeched when I found it inside...

But then I had to wait. Last week was one of the most chaotic weeks of all weeks--cleaning check, 3 midterms, a project, fafsa/scholarship applications due, meeting with advisers, and more. It felt like a train wreck. I wanted to wait until it was all done to open the call so I could fully focus on the joy of the moment with my family and friends.

The day before I opened it, of course, my mom said in the car, "You know Rachel, your disability was approved, so you could go outside of Utah." I said "No mom, I already put on the application I was covered under Utah Medicaid so I could only stay in Utah." So right then in my head I was thinking "Great. Just great. Rachel, you may have just messed up the Lord's will with where you were supposed to be by being impatient to turn your papers in, but you will enjoy it wherever you go in Utah."

So, Saturday finally came! The day was long and there were errands to be completed, but the time finally came as soon as my brother burst through the door from his choir concert. He was gone all day and I would have gone to his earlier one, but unfortunately it was too expensive and he had to drive the car to hurry home after. I had people on Skype as well as my family and friend Maddie with her sister. It was my first time Skyping so it became a little disruptive, but my dad was in Arizona and I wanted to talk to him. So after some tech chaos, were were finally able to settle down. I had already told everyone who asked about the mission I was serving in Utah, so after offering an opening prayer, hoping desperately to feel the spirit despite the tech chaos, it was quiet and I carefully opened the call, not wanting to hurt any part of it.

I started reading my name and realized it was the address, so then I read the first line with a piece of paper right below it so I wouldn't see. I couldn't stop smiling as I read "Dear Sister Roy, you have been called as a missionary of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the..." I smacked the call right up to my mouth as my eyes bulged out. I then hauled over and the tears came as my brother said, "Well, I don't think she's going to Salt Lake."

I had to take a moment to talk through my tears, "You have been assigned to the Massachusetts Boston Mission..."

Immediately the cries and cheers from my finally rang out, which seemed a little distant as I couldn't believe what I just read. I will never forget the special feeling of seeing that. It felt perfect. Absolutely perfect. I continued reading the rest of the letter, feeling overwhelmed with joy. I even did a fist pump when I saw that I will be speaking English, because to be honest, I didn't really want to take the time to learn another language and not be able to speak fluently.

I was in shock. I was expecting Utah, but instead, I was going to fly across the country to the furthest I've ever been (yes, I've been outside of Utah, and the furthest was Florida). The rest of the night was filled with more phone calls and such, and I only slept for 3 hours that night from excitement and questions flooding. I started looking up a little bit about Boston, including the hospital where the CF center is. It looks stunning! Since I felt it was special and I could already feel a close tie with the docs there, I decided to look at its ranking, as I discovered last night that it was ranked as the number one hospital in the nation last year! At this point, I'm ready to embrace whatever happens. I feel peace. If a hospital clean-out comes along,  and with all the regular clinic visits, I know I'll be in good hands. Everything is working out so well and it's no coincidence I was assigned to Boston. I look forward to sharing this gospel that has changed my life with others. I can't wait! Boston...here I come!! :) July 3rd seems far away, but I know it will come up before I know it.
 

 

 

 

So Satan, you didn't want me to go on a mission, huh?

So, Satan, you didn't want me to go on a mission, huh?

Yeah, I know that you tried to terminate my insurance, which threw me to court before a hearing officer. Well guess what? The case went through, and it was approved :)

Which also leads to you not allowing me to leave the state because of the insurance, but guess what? I'm serving where I am, here in Utah, and it's going to be fantastic.

And I know that you wanted me to get discouraged with treatments so you almost broke my compressor so treatments wouldn't be possible on a mission since they were taking 2 hours each. Well guess what? I bought a new one. My lungs are already feeling better and are back to normal.

I know you haven't wanted me to study the scriptures, but guess what? I have the scriptures and Preach My Gospel right at my desk to study every morning.

I know you didn't want the Dr./dentist appointments to work out, but guess what? I found a Groupon that I bought for $40 to see the dentist and was able to take the bus and walk up a huge hill in the rain to see him, and I found an eye doctor to see as well.

I know that I lost my Patriarchal blessing. But guess what? I went online and ordered another copy.

I know that you gave me the worst allergic reaction, making me feel like I was being attacked by fleas, as well as a massive stomach ache in the same day, but don't worry, I figured out that it started right when when my mission was assigned, because surely enough, the next day I got the confirmation it was.

I don't know what you may throw at me until I leave, but you don't fool me. I have my call and I'm opening it tomorrow. :)

It's great, ya know?

Compressor is working at its full power. I didn't realize what I was missing out on until now!

Nothing beats being able to breathe properly again and finally ridding the sticky junk.

The half marathon training takes diligence and it's not easy, but it's great.

And...the mission papers are finally in!

Life is great :)

Hello 2013--Bring in the New Year :)

Guys, 2013 is going to rock. Here are a few resolutions:

Strive to get above a C in my upcoming classes, especially Stats
Become more tolerant of Provo while I'm there for this semester

Meet more people wherever I am

Watch more carefully what I eat so I don't get such bad stomach aches.

Be a better friend

I'm still thinking about a half marathon. Debating...

Sew a mustard yellow skirt or a cute striped skirt in my upcoming sewing class

Study Preach my Gospel a little hardcore for the first half of the year

Now, from a few hints from this post and the last, you probably guessed what the main thing is that I'll be doing this year. It took a while to decide on, and I wasn't one of the girls who jumped right into it (which isn't bad, it just took me longer to decide.) Let me tell you, so many worries flooded my mind regarding possibly being called "Cyster" Roy. For a basic idea: 

my vest/neb treatments in the mornings and at night

 cardio exercise-which might possibly scare the living daylights out of my companion in the mornings with how determined I am to keep my lungs clear

not being able to eat everything, because fatty or processed foods typically make me very sick

carrying "Max" in a handbag for when I don't do so well with that rule

difficult companions who may have a hard time with CF

 possible hospital tune-ups if my body takes on too much

being close to a CF clinic

etc etc etc etc etc

But guess what? Since I like to make plans A,B,C,D,E,F,G, none of my plans for next year were working out, and I have felt for some time it's supposed to be a big, good year. I never felt right about being in my hometown or Provo for this summer, too. I talked with my roommates and about it. My roommate, D$ (ok, Dana), said something along the lines of "Although you are afraid of how short life is, even if it wouldn't be as long, wouldn't it be so much better if you could just live it to its fullest and take risks?" Those words hit home, and I prayed even more about the mission, this time letting go of my fears about CF's responsibilities, and I knew that night after our conversation that it was right. If worse comes to worse, I could come home for some time or be given some accommodations from my Mission President. Even if it's a struggle and fight the whole time, it will be for the better, and hopefully I can make a difference in some peoples' lives and bring them closer to Christ. I am taking a big step, and ever since I decided to do so, so many setbacks and hard hard hard decisions have been thrown at me, to the point of having to possibly meet with lawyers and attorneys about health insurance. I won't go into details, but it's interesting how you can know something is good when the adversary tries to stop you in ways you never thought would be possible.

Although I have CF, I hope to use these experiences to help others and help them recognize that especially since this is a big sacrifice, I wouldn't be out in the mission field for no reason, and that each person is loved by our Heavenly Father, even when they go through their challenges. This gospel means so much. I can't wait to teach what has helped me in my life and bring families closer together through what they may never have known existed. I have my physical tomorrow and then (except for insurance issues), I will be done with my papers. We will see what happens, but 2013 is going to be a fantastic year. :)

I hope you all have the best year ever, no matter what comes your way.

So, any guesses of where I'll be going (stateside)?

Trick and Treat

Here is a rambly and sort of random blog post about Halloween this year.

I went to a Halloween ward party dressed as Merida from Brave, but not many people showed up and people kept asking if I was people such as Annie, Daphne (from Scooby Doo), and more, but I thought my (brushed out) curly hair would give it away, but I guess not. Luckily my friends Chelsea and Jess were there, so we were able to dance the way we wanted to to music from decades up to 7th grade year while the lights were on.

A few days later, I promised myself I would not be distracted from the studying that needed to be done while at work. But then my awesome supervisor put a pumpkin on my desk. I jokingly said how I would love to carve it, and he said, "Sure, I have a knife in my office!" So there I was, feeling pretty awesome for carving a pumpkin at work. I started carving a pumpkin carving face I saw on Google, but wanted something not so scary and more funny. It ended up being created into an inside joke that a few people at work and I understand--long story short, we knew someone in the office who ate cat food on accident, and we all (including himself) were joking about it. His daughter got in on it, then we did too, so there's been a lot of blackmail material going back and forth from this whole thing (which is why on the pumpkin, he said he was going to "Zombify me" which is taking a picture to make me look like a zombie. Luckily we aren't Facebook friends so it doesn't matter.) It probably wasn't as funny as I thought it was, but oh well, it's Halloween which is supposed to be fun, right?

Anyways, that was about it for some-what traditional Halloween events.

But then when yesterday arrived, my roommate's mission call also arrived. We had many people crowd into our living room, waiting to hear where she was going to go. Although the mission age has changed, Dana still would have been able to turn her papers in since she is a little older than the rest of us. She has been one of the most prepared and excited people I have ever met to serve a mission. Turns out, she's going to Milan, Italy!! We are all so thrilled for her but will miss her!!

preparing to pig out on pasta, salad, and breadsticks at Olive Garden

I believe that this Halloween has opened my eyes as to how much we are all growing up. It was the first time that I wasn't too sad about not going Trick-or-Treating, but instead reminiscing on how great it was while being a kid. This year wasn't so full of Halloween parties, dressing up, or having time for scary movies, (but I had an I still ate junk food and candy yesterday.) Although I didn't participate in so much of the traditional Halloween events or atmospheres, (even atmospheres here in P-town can be very sketch for parties, dances, etc--I learned the hard way from one night that I have to be more careful), I couldn't have been happier to see my roomie open her call. It's weird how time flies, but it's exciting to see my fam and friends progress in their lives. :)

"Cyster" Roy??

 Mosiah 2:21 "I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants."

Today something happened that I'll never forget. It was one of the largest announcement in LDS church history in a long time.

So there I was with Klair and Dana as we just got settled and thrilled for another great conference session. Once President Monson stood to address everyone, he announced only 2 temples. Don't get me wrong, two temples would be great, but it seemed a little off since there are usually more. Then he started talking about missionary work, and how back when, missionaries could serve at age 18. Yes, I did feel guilty for shouting Shut up!! right as he was about to announce what I thought would happen (because I sometimes tend to do that when I get excited--I wasn't shouting at our prophet). And yes, he announced what we couldn't believe--young men could serve at age 18 from now on. My thoughts were along the lines of: Josh and Brandon will be leaving sooner than expected, this is incredible, and wow.

Then President Monson started talking about sister missionaries. I thought nuh uh right before he announced that girls can leave at age 19.

Dana and I started to go biserk. She's been 20 for a while and has been working on her papers for a while. I was thinking of how soon I could leave. Questions flooded my mind--should I go? What kind of mission- abroad, temple, or service? Should I go instead of or after the Disney College Program if I'm accepted?

While on Facebook today, I was so touched to read the many responses to this new change. Many girls that have been waiting will start their papers. There's going to be a flood of papers coming in. Guys are now preparing more rigorously as they will be leaving sooner. It's all very exciting to see the Lord's work progressing!

Although this is an exciting new announcement, it doesn't mean that everyone needs to start papers right away.  Although I was excited as can be, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't expecting this, and I know that I still need to be very wise regarding Cystic Fibrosis. To be honest, a mission has been on my mind because I have a strong desire to give back as a load of appreciation in which the Lord has blessed my life, and I know it's something I'm supposed to do. However, I know that missionary work demands a lot, as well as does CF. It's not just the treatments and pills. It's the running, weight lifting, watching what I eat, extra treatments when needed, washing the nebulizer pieces, doc visits, avoiding hospital tune ups, and more. The question is, what is right?

     Tonight, I went on a run I will never forget to get matters settled. CF isn't supposed to get in the way of things, but there's a line between what is good and what is the wisest and best, since CF is, let's face it, life-threatening. It's difficult sometimes to try so hard to be normal with the desire to do what most people can, but not being able to do so even though my life may appear to be completely fine. I ran to the temple, feeling more frustrated that my lungs were a lot tighter than usual, reminding me more that I have CF. I try not to think this way, but my stubborn self could not figure out everything. I had to pray while continuing forward, fighting off tears.

     As soon as I reached the top of the hill (after walking, running, walking, running to catch my breath), I felt the assurance that the spirit always brings, trying to calm my emotions circling around each other. I could see the sun setting over the valley, giving its natural glow over the lake. There was the temple, and once again, I kept my Ipod earphones out with the music off. As I passed by sister missionaries as we exchanged friendly hellos, as well as older couples passing by the temple, I started to admire their examples of living life peacefully, wondering how I could do so. They seemed full of wisdom and a simple feeling of joy, able to submit their will no matter what life would bring. I was reminded that this life is not mine. I was sent here as an instrument in the Lord's hands to use my experiences regarding death, trial, triumph, and strength that have all been through the help of our Heavenly Father to strengthen others. I don't always see myself doing that great of a job at it, but that's why we have the Atonement--to get up, try again, and keep running up our hills despite our weaknesses.

     I do not know how soon, when, what kind of mission, or how long I will serve for--whether it be 6 months to a year and a half, but someday it will come once I know it's the right time. But now I have the option to serve sooner than expected once it is right. This gospel is flourishing. It's incredible. One thing is for sure: this church is true.

Source: cornerstonedigitalphoto.com via Nathan on Pinterest

(I found this pic online and it wasn't that dark, but it gives you an idea of what it looks like. Someday I will take a good pic and put it on here.)

Just another one of those entries...

Lots of thoughts lately...

     Today in my ComD class, our professor started straight in on a topic...grad school. He was trying to not be so honest about things, but he was as he was talking about getting into grad school. First of all, he emphasized how important your GPA is for grad school admittance, as I felt my stomach drop like the Tower of Terror. My GPA isn't horrible, but it's not as great as everyone competing to get in grad school. Here we were, stuck in the same room, all the same major, hearing about how competitive it is and how we need to be a little aggressive about our grades. No joke, he's a great professor, and it was good he was giving this small lecture, but I felt like I was amidst the ComD version of the Hunger Games---may the odds ever be in your favor.

     From that point on today, I started worrying about my GPA, as I can be good at worrying. I wanted it to be a little higher, and was wondering what more I could do to raise it. You see, I'm the type of person who usually studies studies studies, goes to the labs, visits with the TA, and gets a C. So there I was, feeling like today was a little too extended for its own good. I started feeling overwhelmed with life as I was wondering if I would ever get into grad school, especially since I am hoping to go to school in Salt Lake once it comes around, but since that's an even more competitive school for the major, I was unsure about it all.

     So later on today I was set apart as a ward missionary (woo hoo!) Yes, that may seem off-topic, but to even be warned during the setting apart to not have it feel like a burden amid life's demands made me think Whoa! Hold your horses, this is not a burden! Was the Lord really concerned I would think that?

     Then I knew I had to change some thoughts around. It was one of those times I remembered I have CF. Why? I really hope I don't come across as arrogant here, but I thought of the people with CF who haven't had nearly as great of opportunities I have had lately and have been suffering through pain, hospital tune-ups, and more. Being part of the CF community, I've seen and heard a lot, thinking, I remember how that was or that does not sound fun at all--they're a true trooper. And here I was, worrying about school work, math problems, quizzes, and tests while so many people are going through much more. Why was I complaining about the "hard life?" Because so far, it has been very good overall as I have felt blessed to have so many opportunities, including a stupendous education. I remembered how everything is working out, and it is a great blessing to even be breathing well and and not in the hospital, but to be making friends, feeling healthy, and having a good college experience because not everyone gets that. I knew that while amidst a prestigious university/competitive major, I had to remember that none of these things are entitlements, but privileges and sometimes blessings in disguise. So, I realized that we are not entitled to the expectations that society sometimes throws such as Grad school, but if they happen, we just need to embrace them. But either way, everything is in the Lord's hands and He is in control of our lives as we do our part.
     So here I am writing another soapy blog post, but really, it's important to not compare ourselves to others or be too hard on ourselves because we may not be like other people, as good at something as others, etc because we can go far ourselves. I was talking with my roommate a little bit earlier about this, thinking about how badly I want to be part of a financially stable family because of current and past experiences, so a good education is so important to me. However, thinking about how short life could be, grad school may not even be the best option so I can spend more quality time with my future family. Everything is in the Lord's hands as He leads our lives in the direction He knows is best for us. Hopefully I will become a speech pathologist, however, it's not an entitlement and it all depends on my Heavenly Father sees best. Isn't it funny how we sometimes throw huge expectations at ourselves, when we shouldn't worry about it all so much? Sorry if this doesn't make sense, but it's just another post as thoughts have been flooding my mind all day.

For Those Tiring Days

Some of these days have been tough.
It's not like I'm trying to single out Algebra or anything, however, 2 assignments have taken me a little over 5 hours each (one was only 8 problems), and two assignments are due every week just for math, along with studying for other classes, keeping up with readings, and more.
And sometimes exercising becomes tiring, but don't worry, I'm still keeping it up :)
And sometimes I have to be very patient with my pharmacy when they don't change certain medications' dosage amounts sent twice from the doctor.
And there's only so much time in a day, that things can become overwhelming when there's so much to do.
Little sleep happens every now and then.
And finding time to cook can be hard to find.
But don't worry, I am doing better with those things now :)
I won't forget one day when I was so overwhelmed with math, work, health, and more. I don't think I smiled that day and I was exhausted while feeling frumpy and grumpy. While walking to my zumba class, a tap class's song was playing loudly to my ears "You're never fully dressed without a smile." I could feel right then the Lord was concerned and wanted me to slow down a bit, and that He was right there.
And then later on, Nephi's Psalm came up in the Book of Mormon in 2 Ne 4:20: "My God hath been my support, he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
And then it reads:
O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condensation unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of my afflictions?
And why should I yield to sin because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?
And later on:
Awake, oh my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say "O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation."

This is one of the most poetic parts of the Book of Mormon, but it struck me, as I needed to read this. Before I felt drained and drowning, as if I was stuck in a rut. Ironically, this scripture flipped open again this morning once I felt overwhelmed once again. Nephi went through so much in his life, and he was able to acknowledge that he was going through a hard time, however, with the knowledge that Lord was there and he was blessed with so much, he was able to stand up and try again.

So simply said, many of our days can be this way, and it's ok because it's part of life and there are better days ahead. College isn't easy and I'm still learning a lot and of what matters most, and thank goodness we have the scriptures to help us remember.

So Glad for This Gospel

This last weekend was awesome. I planned on going home to watch conference, so when my mom picked me up she said, "Let's get junk food." I felt very full after eating a J-Dawg, a double scoop of BLUEBELL blackberry cobbler and birthday cake ice cream from a local parlor, but it was so worth it!!

Afterwards we headed over to the brand new City Creek mall, and ahhh I'm in love!!! We didn't do much shopping, but I can't wait to! They have many great stores like Nordstrom, J Crew, the Disney Store, Coach, and even Tiffany's!

They even had a water fountain show that was kind of cool. They somehow had fire burning from on top of the water by the end of it.

But something was so much better than all of this during this weekend. I am so glad to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. General Conference was amazing! I had written questions that I needed answers to in my life, and almost every single one was answered in very direct ways. I was able to receive comfort, guidance, and motivation through talks such as President Henry B. Eyring's, Elder Holland's, President Uchtdorf's, and President Monson's. Listening to our prophet, his apostles and leaders has always brought joy, hope, and helped me want to try harder to become better and more like our Savior. I don't know what I would do without the gospel in my life; it makes me so happy :)

Love me some general conference

I hope this doesn't sound like a Sunday talk or a soap box, but conference time has become one of my favorite times of the year. I am so grateful for the chance we have to listen to our incredible prophet Thomas S. Monson. I know that he is the leader who is there to help us in these latter days. I look to him as an example with as he strives to reach out to people around the world with a smile. I was also glad for his talk he gave today. We must keep the commandments and keep a strong relationship with our father in heaven.

 I am so glad to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, to stand as a witness of our Savior and Redeemer of the world. As M Russel Ballard said, "He broke the bands of death. We need to stand as a witness of him at all times, in all things, and in all places." 

I also loved Robert D Hale's talk. There have been moments in college lately where even though it's BYU, I sometimes have felt life has thrown me buckets of lemons. So many of us feel this way, where we can't control what life throws at us. I hope I can strive to be more charitable, loving, forgiving, and patient during times that seem very difficult to endure. As Robert D Hale mentioned, tribulation worketh patience, and we continue in patience with a perfect brightness of hope. And as Carl B. Cook had said, it's always better to look up and obtain optimism, wisdom, always be willing to seek those in need, and have an attitude of can do and will do. We must look up and cheer up because God wants us happy :)

I promise I have been happy in college, but everyone has their moments of hardship. I thought some trials from my senior year would go away, but they haven't, and I know the Lord is trying to teach me something. There have been several times during conference where they have mentioned we must remember our Savior's life and example, his patience and love during hard times. This conference has helped me have a mindset to keep trying and never give up and that we are not alone in our Gathsemane's. We need to be real in every aspect of our lives and pray often to become closer to our Father in Heaven so he can guide us more easily. I really liked J Devn Cornish's quote, "Much like medicine, prayer only works when used as directed."I hope everyone who has watched it has felt the same as they have felt the strong, testifying spirit this weekend that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church to lift ourselves and each other up to become closer to Christ, and we have a prophet who loves and is there to help us. The ancient prophets Book of Mormon fought diligently to always stand as a witness while serving and obtaining hope.  We also promised to be charitable, always stand as a witness, keep the commandments, and be guardians of virtue as we go forward in our lives. 

I have two personal goals that I am going to try to work on: Work on family history more often (it sure helps that we are learning how to index in FHE) and visit the temple once  a week. I am bummed that this conference is already over because it has been awesome :)

Kia Kaha

Today I just got back from my ward's youth conference. I will say that I adore my wardies. The leaders were incredible for all their hard work to organize it all, and all of the youth are awesome and were so much fun being around.

It started it on Wednesday, where we all met up at the church. We had another ward, but from the west side of Salt Lake come over. They all came from different situations and lifestyles than what we have been privileged to be raised with, (some had moved from places such as Sudan just a few years ago) so it was neat getting to know them and befriending them. A few were shy at first, but they eventually felt accepted and had a good time. They were all talented, whether it was at soccer at basketball or being able to make up a rap off the top of their heads. Most of the guys and girls had a great sense of humor so I enjoyed getting to know them.

We all then headed to Park City, where we rode the slide and two zip lines going down the mountain, one at which I felt as if I was flying down the steep slope. One of the girls from the other ward was with me on the zip line, and she was thrilled because a camera crew was in front of us in line filming for Park City tv, so lucky for us we were quickly on TV before before we were launched off. It was great! I believe the youth that we met must have gone through some difficult times in their lives, and they enjoyed themselves and I am glad they could have that experience.

Later that day we headed to the cabin we were staying at. We relaxed for a few hours, where we enjoyed a devotional about missionary work as we had a mini MTC clinic. We later ate from the endless cookie table and painted toy cars to be sent to Africa for kids to play with. I cannot believe how much junk food we ate that day! I felt disgusting by the end of the day, but it was just grand at the same time.

After heading home that night to register for my classes at BYU at midnight, I headed back to the cabin the next morning with a few other girls. We arrived just in time for another devotional, where we learned more about our youth conference theme on being forever strong. We learned more about the scripture Alma 26: 11-12, which are now two of my favorite verses. I do not aboast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
12Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things. I know that these two verses testify how nothing would be possible without our Lord and Savior; that through the atonement true repentence and forgiveness is available so we can return to him. We are nothing without him because of his miraculous miracle he gave to the world, and he is our anchor during the high tides in our lives and all we need to do sometimes is ask for strength and he will be there.
We also learned about the next biggest step in our lives, which before I thought was college, missions, and marriage, but thanks to our bishop's message we learned that it is to prepare to enter the temple. We must do all that we can as youth to enter into the house of the Lord, to recieve ordinances and make and keep sacred covenents.
After the devotional, we had played more games outside and bummed around even more. A few of us girls took the time to learn the haka to do with the guys later that night to suprise them, but let's be truthful we made ourselves look dumb because nobody could pull it off like they could. After a sweet testimony meeting with everyone inside the cabin once it started to rain, a few of us girls crammed all the bunk beds in one of the girls rooms together, and fit about 10 girls on one bunk and talked for hours. We joked around, with some guys being dumb while they were knocking on our window at 1:30 am. We put a note against the window saying "Go away! We have a leader in our room!" They ran away back to their room and about peed their pants, but they didn't know our leader was Madison who was technically a leader but only a year older than us :)
The next morning we just packed up our bags and cleaned up, headed to our leader's home, and had a BBQ and swim party. It was an incredible Youth Conference and I will not forget the great lessons and fun times we had :)

about to go down the zip line!

                                                                    

a balancing act



the haka

siiiiick



So long farewell

Tonight we met as a seminary council as a hello goodbye, to say hello to the new council for next year and goodbye to the (current, it's not quite over yet). We had a delicious bbq and then Jackie, me, and Brynn from the new council jumped our hearts out on the trampoline. We gave the new council advice and the wonderful opportunities that they will have.

I'll just say it was very hard to say goodbye. Despite our differences, we have grown close together and have learned a lot over this past year as our testimonies have strengthened and as we have relied on each other. Although it's been hard at times to go to early morning meetings and keep up with responsibilities, we will never forget how helping out the seminary students and the students at Brighton by striving to be good examples and sharing our testimonies has helped us become closer to not only each other, but to our Father in Heaven. Once Stacey gave the closing prayer and started tearing up, the rest of us found tears streaming down. We embraced each other and took pictures, reminding ourselves we still have one more week left. I love them all so much and will never forget how we have impacted each others lives.

Bye bye :( (Not pictured: Tanner and Isaac. We will miss them too)

Yay new council! Yall are gonna have a blast :)

April Showers

When I looked outside my window today, it was raining dippin dots!! They were bouncing off our tables and patio in our backyard. We have had some snow showers here in beautiful Salt Lake, but I am honestly ready for some spring weather.

High school seems to be picking up its pace. Prom is this Saturday, and I feel privileged to go again with the special needs group. I love those kids so much :) They really are the greatest and are so sweet and have such strong personalities.

And speaking of high school ending soon, graduation is in 2 months from today. It's crazy to think how time flies.

Anyways today is day 21, so I'm supposed to talk about my favorite city. I haven't traveled to too many places, and as much as I love Arlington, I honestly love Salt Lake. It's beautiful, we have temples we can go to that are minutes away, God's marvelous creations including stunning mountains, and wonderful people everywhere. Even though I'm not always fond of the constantly changing weather, I feel so blessed to live here :)

beautiful picture I found

yay mountains

sunset pic

Day 15 (Halfway there)

Day 15: Bible verse. Well, ok, I have many favorite scriptures, and I guess the articles of faith are extensions of the scriptures. I absolutely love our theme this year, the 13th article of fatih:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men, indeed that we may say we follow the admonition of Paul. We belive all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things (I am proud to say I still always had this memorized ever since I was in primary) :)

I love this article of faith! The words honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous are not always words we hear these days. They are true qualities that we must strive to be good examples and live like our savior. Service is key as well. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. These words are wonderful, because it is important to always hope for the best, and to show faith and trust in our Heavenly Father as we strive to endure all things, knowing he has helped us during our past hard times. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things. It is crucial to stay away from anything harmful, and to seek for the good and count our blessings, to compliment others and to thank our Heavenly Father for all our blessings.

Art Talk

     We had a wonderful lesson in church today. The lady that talked shared how important it is to simplify our lives. She reminded us of Uchdorf''s talk during the last General Conference in October about the things that matter most. I started to feel very guilty and knew I had to simplify my life, and tried to ask myself how I could make my life easier in some ways. In Uchdorf's talk he said how we can simplify our lives. That is, by seeking the things that matter most, which usually revolve around improving our relationships with our God, our families, people around us, and ourselves. There is beauty all around and sometimes we just need to sit back and acknowledge God's creations, and most importantly we need to think about what matters most in life.
     In the lesson she told about how she is taking these art classes, and showed us a painting that she painted. Her art teacher instructed her to only paint the simple parts of the picture, especially where the light hit. He taught how important it was to capture the light in the paintings. When I took painting I learned this as well, with how the lit portions of the pictures can make the whole difference. This is similar to our lives, with how we need to focus on the simple things and where the light hits. The light in our lives can change things around so much, so we need to strive to focus on what is good and important by focusing on being like the savior, our blessings, caring for others, and beauty around.
     So anyways, there's my cheesy Sunday message :) I'm now ready to take a Sunday nap! :)

Sunday Pun

And I almost forgot this as well. At our cross country region meet, my besties Brooklyn and Kate decided to stop by to support us. Kate was surprised at how close the temple was to us, and pointed out how, from the view we saw, the temple was right in-between the football goal posts. Brooklyn cried out "The temple is our goal!" It was definitely the best pun I had ever heard hahaha. But it is true. We have to have the temple as our goal and keep our covenants and stay worthy to go there.

Cool picture, huh? ;)